HCG Diet Update - October 19, 2010

With at least 6 clients and friends now using the HCG protocol as a result of my blog posts, I thought it would be a good idea to give an update, as well as, share what I've learned. 

I've now finished Phase 2 of my second round of HCG.  Am down another 5 pounds; not the 10 I had intended to release.  So, I wasn't as successful weight loss wise as I was on my first round.  The reason--something they don't tell you--is that I hit an emotional wall about 7 days into the round.  Within those bloated fat cells we hold emotions....those that caused us to put on the weight in the first place.  I hit what seemed like several layers of old pain and was totally surprised.  After a few days of consistent cheating on my diet--even with firm resolve not to--I realized my inner child was literally yelling at me.  It was as though she was saying, "I'm scared to let go of these layers, Mom!  I still need them cause I don't believe you can protect me."

The location of this fat is around my joints--knees, ankles and especially elbows and the backs of my upper arms around my elbows.  When I tuned in and talked with Jessie, asking her to show me an image of an event that caused her to store fat on my elbows she responded immediately.  I saw myself back in 1992, standing in my apartment racked with emotional pain.  I had just come back from the hospital where my then 4 year old daughter had endured a sexual assault exam.  As they probed her I felt she was being assaulted all over again.  When they were done, I took her home.  I had just checked in on her and had walked back into the living room.  Looking out as the setting sun from my living room window, I broke down and began sobbing.  All the tears, the pain and fear of what had happened to her, to us finally got the best of me.  I had had to be strong for my little girl but as I wrapped my arms around myself, I remember so desperately wanting someone to hold me, to be there for me...and there was no one. 

Remembering that moment opened the doors, or rather flood gates to other memories, each one revealing yet another moment when I needed someone to be there for me.  Needless to say, it was profound.  

Afterward, I had other memories surface during the next 12 days.  With each one, instead of resisting them as I had done before learning these tools (the Keys of Compassion) I allowed the old feelings to wash over me, assuring my Inner Child that letting the pain come up would serve us better than keeping it down. I let her know that I wanted to let the pain go and no longer needed her to keep it at bay. The release was slow at first, as though she didn't quite trust me and so was only letting up small amounts at a time.  I realized that I couldn't expect her to trust me but now I had an opportunity to earn that trust.  Each time I felt another wave, I tuned in and talked with her.  There were several times I just held myself, seeing myself holding her.  Many tears flowed and sometimes days filled with profound, overwhelming sadness passed as we felt each loss, each moment I had felt abandoned when I found myself alone trying to deal with a crises.  I realized that the way others treated me was how I had treated my Inner Child.  The fact that no one had been there for me when I needed it, was a mirror of who I had not been there for her.  I had put others' needs ahead of my own and used energy that my Inner Child needed to keep up healthy on others.  How true that the way others treat us is a mirror of how we treat our Inner Children!

Finally the pain was gone and I felt I had come through a 14 day storm.  Unfortunately I was near the end of my 23 days of injections and therefore didn't have enough time back on the diet to make a difference.  Still, I felt it had been a success because I was able to clear the pain that had caused me to gain the weight.  In fact, I was able to pinpoint when I began gaining and developed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome shortly after the crisis explained above. 

Having cleared those layers, I've been able to stay within 2 pounds of my final weight.  I'm doing good and feel somehow renewed after my clearing.  I'll begin after the December Emotional Clearing workshop.

For those of you who are on HCG or contemplating it, keep in mind that if you hit a wall and begin sabotaging yourself, you've simply hit some layers of pain that need to be cleared before your Inner Child will feel safe letting the weight go.