Emotional Typhoon of the August Full Moon

Woke up this morning feeling like I'd survived a typhoon of emotion.  Yesterday was the last day of the full moon and the energy had been building.   It's as if it was supercharged and like a huge etheric mixer, dipped its beaters into the pain I had been carrying and was sitting just beneath the surface. 

It began with a feeling irritable then as the morning wore on, the energy seem to amp up and my repressed feelings right along with it.  By 11am the pain literally engulfed me.  Before I knew it I was hitting a chair in my walk-in closet with a shirt, cussing and just...well...felt ready to explode!  (I was supposed to be ironing.)

One of the things that was causing me pain was a gut feeling that Gracie, the dog I had rehomed several months ago was not doing well. I had had concerns the night I agreed to let her go because I hadn't checked out the home where she would be living.  I had made the decison to let her go to this couple who arrived that evening, driving 40 miles in the pouring rain to see her.  They seemed so right...with 2 boys who would be have to give Gracie the play she wanted.  And she was really being adopted by the wife who had lost her Dachsund the year before.  I like Carey's (her name) energy and felt that she would love Gracie as I did. 

So, with teh pain and the concern now at a maximum, I decided to call this couple to check on Gracie and to take a trip to Ottowa, 40 miles south of Kansas City, to visit her.  I needed to put my mind and heart at rest about my decision.  Long story short, the phone number was no longer any good and the address wasn't eaither.  In fact, Roger, the husband, had given me an address at which they had not lived for over a year!  Now I was really freaked, my stomach in turmoil as thoughts of Gracie being abused grew and grew in my head.  All my feelings of being a bad mom, of not caring enough came rushing to the surface and I just wanted to cry.  What had I done to my little Gracie Mai?

You can imagine how the evening went...I sat around feeling traumatized by my feelings.  Finally decided to go upstairs to my room...just bought a new little rocker recliner that serves as the place where I mull over things, talk with my guides and do counseling sessions.  Eventaully I was able to calm donw and think things through.  I called on my soul to help me.  "Please help me understand what this is about.  Is Gracie really in trouble?  if so, you're gonna have to help me find her cause all my efforts failed." (I had even ordered a background check online to find Roger and Carey's latest address but it turned up nothing.  I had hit a dead end at every turn.)  "If she needs me, send me a sign and a way to find her.  I'm letting go now and leaving her in your hands."

this morning I woke up and felt lighter...I felt that Gracie was okay and I had overreacted. the reason was that I did not hold my boundary about checking out the potential adopter's home before agreeing to let Gracie go to that family.  Many things had transpired that day that brought me to that point.  Suffice it to say that by the time the couple showed up, I was ready to toss my need for extra due diligence to the wind.  So the pain was from not knowing where she was and not having done my homework to ensure that I knew.   In other words, I didn't take care of myself by ensuring that I could be and remain at peace with my choice of a new family.  So, my Inner Child was really pushing that point; she felt I had let her down by not ensureing we knew where Gracie was, and with the help of the full moon's amped up energy, she was able to dial up the pain meter to the point it grabbed my full attention!  She certainly accomplished that!

Today, I understand it better.  I needed to release that pain...it had been with me since last February when I let Gracie go.  Carrying that was not helping her or me and my soul knew that.  So she used the energy fo the full moon and my Inner Child's need to express her feelings about it to bring it to the surface for clearing.  My friend, Julie said as we talked this morning by phone, "Maybe you are clearing for all mothers."  I think she may have a point there.  Each time any of us mothers clear our pain around our mothering we help all mothers.  Thanks Julie.