Tuesday, May 10, 2011

CFS and Fibromyalgia: When the illness is not an excuse.

Been renting 2 of the 3 bedrooms used for workshop clinets to longer term renters.  Made the decision to do so after the economy changed and people stopped traveling as much.  I've been doing the long tern renting for about 2 years and it has gone well for the most part.  Found that after my dad died I no longer want to live alone.

Took on a renter in March that had Fibromyalgia (Fibro).  Having had it myself I felt I could help this person get well much faster thanks to all that I learned through my own healing. Well, I found that that was a mistake.  It wasn't long before the challenges inherent in Fibro and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) began to create tension. The challenges were two fold.  First there was the lack of boundaries and thus the inability to recognize those boundaries for others.  The second was that my new roomie was young (early 20s).  This girl (I'll call her Mary),was in full blown Fibronyalgia. 

Now, I have house agreements that everyone reads before they rent from me. Tney are mostly just common sense agreements such as cleaning up after yourself, turning off lights and locking doors when you leave...nothing out of the ordinary.  There is also an agreement to clear any issue that occurs within 24 hours--not sulking and freezing others out when one is angry.

There's usually a settling in period of about 2 weeks when a new roomie learns how the house is run. Most of the time, I ony have to point out a few things such as what leaving the kitchen as you found it looks like.  Unfortunately Mary's fibro, lack of life experience, combined with a lack of boundaries made this time very difficult.  The result was extreme moodiness, sulking, and passive/agressive actions when she was angry with me. 

Though it bothered me, I was much more concerned by  something else I discovered.  I realized, after running the sales numbers (I work from home) for that first month, that having Mary in my home was costing me  ore than the nominal rent I was charging.  I'll explain.

When we wake up in the morning, we immediately begin making withdrawals from our energy account (an energetic account that we each have that contains the amount of life force we are able to take in each day).  These withdrawals are based on supporting all the things we own and all the relationships we have.  I found myself making a larger than normal withdrawal for Mary each morning because I was constantly on high alert.  High alert is what we experience when we live with someone who is regularly unbalanced either physically, mentally or emotionally. 
I was waking up each day already stressed and concerned about what I was going to have to deal with with Mary and that consumed a big portion of my energy account.  Money flows and grows when there is excess energy in reserve in our energy account...I was overdrawn every single day that Mary lived here. 

As I said, doing the end of the month accounting showed me what I had been feeling and that really hit home.  I had to move Mary out  if I wanted to get my life back in balance.  Fortunately she had already asked to break her lease so that part was easy.  It cost me almost  a months rent and that didn't feel good but, on the other hand, I would have lost a lot more had she stayed. 

Having experienced living with someone with these illnesses gave me a better understanding of what my family went through with me, especially my husband, Jonathan when I was ill.  I wish now I had apologized for the energetic sacrifice they had had to pay for putting up with me.  I also realize now that my behavior, some of which was downright ugly was not excusable, especially the passive/aggressive stuff.  Now I realize that I sometimes made life very difficult and the imbalances in created for them were hard to bear.  Thanks, Mary for showing me this. Lesson learned! 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Bin Laden's Death

Like so many other world events, I watch them unfold while observing my intuitive response.  When I learned of Bin Laden's death, knowing what I know, I felt concerned.  I felt that this is a cover or distraction for something else.  My initial thought was, What shoe will drop?  In other words it feels as though this event is a precursor to something we will dread...yes...that's it.  I feel a sense of dread.  I feel they are going to use this as a way increase security restrictions so that they can completely imprison us.  This may be the way the finally lock the gates on the American people, pulling off what they have failed to be able to do since 9/11.  They, of course, are the Global Elite.  Their intention is to enslave humanity and microchip them to a massive computer.  9/11 was supposed to bring that about but the plan failed becuase Americans didn't respond as expected.  Instead, we reacted with compassion or at least enough to spoil their plan.  We reacted with suspicion, smelling the proverbial rat.  We could not be convinced to begin a war.

Now, I beleive they will use Bin Laden's death and the "threat of retaliation" as an excuse to bring about micro chipping and all other extreme security measures.  We will be forced to live in a police state--now in the open--as Germans did in WWII.  Kiss any remaining illusion of freedom good bye.

Okay, that's my 3D response.  Now, for a higher perspective....stepping into my god self, I see this event and the new security threat and soon to be im posed measures as an accerlation of the Game.  In other words, we've been idling for a while waiting for the Dark to make it's next move.  Now they are moving and rather quickly.  We have less than 2 years to 2012....this move on their part will accelerate the emtional clearing requred to get us to the level needed to create a better world on the other side of our equatorial crossing at the end of 2012.  So, the Dark is once again serving the Light.  Let's get it on!